El's been a bit off center lately. El's not been in touch with his inner-compass, which normally always point to El, but El's feeling it again and El is reveling in his wonderfulness. How many other snack cakes have risen to such heights? How many snack cakes have rubbed shoulders (OK, El's rubbed his shoulder on their ankles) with those who define centuries?
El may not be President. El may not be Gwyneth, but dammit, El is still El... ruler of the world, whether people know it or not.
El still kicks ass.
Not to mention... El still looks better in a red singlet than Sean Connery...
Apparently it's a list of current news, because you know, Gwyneth hosting a dinner party is BIG NEWS! El also notices a complete and utter lack of any news about El. Apparently no one is curious about what El is doing. No one asks El how he is. El is perplexed. El is tired of people thinking he's living the life of whatever character it is that they have on the front of the Hostess Cupcake box. You play one part and you're typecast for life.
Justin Bieber breaks from Twitter.... yeah, right. El broke from Twitter about 22 hours after he signed up, but was there a news blurb about that?? Heck no.
El has mingled with the best and the brightest. El has gone where no cupcake has gone before. El is the first snack cake dictator... but apparently that is not newsworthy... but Gwyneth?? Gwyneth merely has to feed people some food and she makes the news.
El has been busy launching a Presidential Exploratory Committee, seeing if perchance he might be what this country is needing in 2012.
So far people have asked why El would run for President when he's already Ruler of the World. Good question, but really, dictators like to amass titles and medals and hats. El hears he can get a Nobel Peace Prize in the deal as well.
The fact that El is a cupcake has also been brought up. Does it say anywhere in the Constitution that the President must be human? El thinks history shows otherwise.
Questions have also arisen around El's possible choice of running mate... Das Shat. He's Canadian. Pffft! Canada is even closer to the DC than Alaska! Enough said.
As for eventually entering the race and actually winning? El says, "Piece of cake!"
El has been taking random suggestions for possible slogans. Feel free to add in the comments. Possible slogans so far?
Speak softly and carry a big squiggle.
Let them eat cake.
You can have your cake and elect it too.
What's not to like about cake!?
No chocolate shortages!
*The PR firm of RSFish was kind enough to knock out the above poster for El. El thinks it has a certain je ne sais quoi.