El will be there to pick up the pieces...

El read a snippet in the news yesterday that suggested The Shatner's new show was going to be a bust. El just wants The Shatner to know that he will be here... ready to work... ready to form a duet that will boldly go where no duet has gone before.

El would also like to say that Anderson Cooper has released him from the sticky bonds of Facebook purgatory. Was he released into the warm embrace of Anderson's friendship?

No.

He was not.

El, knowing that Anderson must surely have made a mistake, jumped right back into purgatory! El's no fool!

International William Shatner Talks to El Snacktator Year

It's really The Shat's b-day and... "International Talk Like William Shatner Day"!! El would like an "International El Talks to William Shatner YEAR!" Or... "International William Shatner Talks to El Snacktator Year!"

Well, El can't talk like William Shatner, but he can look like him!

El loves you Shat!! We will work together some day!

El Snacktator 20th Century Muse: Pablo Picasso

El has been sorting through the vaults again and ran past this... one of the many portraits Pablo Picasso did of El. El loved Pablo. Pablo loved El. They just seemed to understand each other... each smaller yet more powerful than the average soul. Each playful, yet serious... Each king of the world in their own way. El misses Pablo...

While El has always loved being the center of Pablo's attention, El was often tempted to point out to him that most portraits really looked like Pablo. Oh hell, Pablo couldn't even paint a bull without making it look like Pablo! The man was a genius, but he had blinders on... blinders with a mirror attached to the front!

Oh well, Pablo could have given El 3 breasts...

And why did Picasso seek out El for portrait after portrait? Again... it was that damn squiggle. No one can resist the squiggle... especially Pablo... the man who said, "It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child."

No child can resist the squiggle.

Good Morning El

El is thinking he needs his own talk show. El is even willing to have guests who talk about themselves and not just El, although El will understand if the guest is wanting to talk about him.

El is thinking cozy, intimate conversation. El is thinking early morning, still in jammies. El is thinking Oprah is leaving anyhow. Who wouldn't want to spend their morning listening to the world's most powerful cupcake? Who wouldn't want to spend their morning looking at the world's most powerful cupcake??

Why Does Anderson Cooper Torment El?

El has been in Anderson Cooper's Facebook purgatory for weeks now. El's not even sure why he approached friendship with Anderson, but seems to recall Facebook suggesting it. Anderson and El have mutual friends. El, being the benevolent despotic type, must have thought, well sure... El can be buddies with Anderson (or even a faux Anderson), and must have sent the request.

Weeks later... El is languishing in Anderson's purgatory. At first El thought perhaps Anderson is not on Facebook that often, but noticed that since requesting friendship, has been privy to Anderson's newsfeed. He's seen that Anderson is befriending others! BUT NOT EL!

Befriend El or cut him lose Anderson! El owns you anyway... Facebook friendship or not.

Don't force El to don the infamous black t-shirt and generous poof of silvery hair. El will go all Snackderson Cooper on your hiney if he has to.

The Trouble with Captain Kirktator

Yes, El has rubbed elbows with some of the art world's best. El has been wooed by many from the stage and screen, and yet... one person continues to ignore him.

The Shatner.

El has loved The Shatner since he was terrified at 20,000 feet. El even has recordings of the Shatner... and, has listened. Something not many have done. El listened and became a transformed Snacktator.

However... it is as Capt Kirk that El feels The Shatner truly rules... and therefore, on occasion, dresses up as Captain Kirktator. El prefers the wrap tunic... the v-neck elongating his roundish features.

William Shatner?? If you're out there... El is available for duets... or perhaps, a cameo!

El Snacktator 20th Century Muse: Alexander Calder

Another one of El's favorite portraits would have to be the whimsical wire sculpture done by good friend, Sandy Calder. There was no formal sitting, no planning, it just happened after a wonderful dinner. El was talking about El, something El is good at doing, while Sandy worked the wire.

In Calder's piece, we see El stripped down once more, but whereas Hopper's stripped down version of El is filled with angst and loneliness... Calder's take on El was much more playful, but then Sandy was a happier man than Ed.

However... lonely artist, happy artist, it just doesn't matter... no one can resist the lure of the squiggle.

A secret that El doesn't share with everyone... El has many squiggles. Yes, they're removable. El even has squiggles with differing numbers of loops. Next time you hear the rumor that El must have 7, you tell them you know better! El sometimes has 6... and even up to 8. It's a mood thing.

El Snacktator 20th Century Muse: Jackson Pollock

Even infamous cranky boy, Jackson Pollock, was not immune to El's light-hearted squiggle. Pollock, most famous for his abstract expressionism, especially his "drip" paintings, could not help but give a nod to that come hither loop-de-loop of icing.

Pollock attempted to paint El 5 times, reducing El to 100% abstraction, with no true realistic representation, but no matter how hard he tried, that squiggle kept emerging. He finally let it be.

El is lucky Pollock finished any piece as during the process, El took to calling him Snackson Pollock. Needless to say, Pollock was not amused.

El was...

El Snacktator, 20th Century Muse: Wayne Thiebaud

El has reached into his private collection one more time to share with the world just how much the world's artists loved El. They couldn't get enough... wanting to capture El's je ne sais quoi. El couldn't blame them.

Today's artist? Probably one of El's favorites.

Wayne Thiebaud...

Let's just say... the man has a way with the baked goods... that and the fact that his work often falls into the category of Pop Art due to his interest in objects of mass culture. Well... El is a baked good... and El is definitely an icon of mass culture.

El Snacktator, 20th Century Muse: Edward Hopper

Many, many years ago, El was hanging out with good friend Edward Hopper when Ed mentioned that he wanted to do El's portrait. El was thrilled and already had visions of dramatic shadows... El posing in is best dictatorial garb! Or perhaps, El would be in a scene like Nighthawks. El always liked Nighthawks... but no, Ed, bastard that he was, had other ideas.

It seems Ed wanted El stripped down. He wanted El Unplugged and suggested a time of day when El was not quite one with the world, but lost in his thoughts. Thoughts of grandeur no doubt! El could see it, he would be propped up on his resplendent Deco bed... in his comfy silk jammies. Sure El would do it.

But no, Ed felt this was not stripped down enough. He wanted El to be isolated... stripped of any comfort he knew. El swears that Hopper went through this damn isolation phase for approximately 3/4's of his career! People got it Ed! We're together, but we're alone!

Still, Ed never really painted anyone, but that wife of his so El consented. El does have an ego after all and being painted by Hopper was still a coup... and dictators can rarely resist a coup. Off they went. El suspected he'd be at Ed's studio, but alas, Ed took him to some fleabag of a motel in Brooklyn! There were no silk jammies to be had, merely a nasty, used frock that somewhat resembled a large man's undershirt. El thought he might be able to wear his hat, but no... there was to be no hat, no medals, only El with the weight of the world on his shoulders and the unbearable loneliness that being a snack cake dictator can bring. El had it all... and yet he was utterly alone... it's lonely being at the top...

El was happy with the outcome and imagined it one day hanging in a museum alongside other famous tributes to El, but no... Hopper decided he wasn't happy with El... he wanted someone else, someone more familiar... and when El saw it, hanging in front of an adoring crowd... who did he see, but that damn wife.

Oh well, she deserved it. Ed really was a bastard...

What's a Snack Cake Dictator to Do??

El was at a fabulous party this weekend. El assumed he was on the A-List, but found out he was relegated to the buffet table... El doesn't get it. He'd throw up his hands in exasperation if they weren't always up anyhow.

There was a time when El could not be in enough places at once, spending time at Studio 54, hanging at Robert Evans' California playpen, or sitting on this board or that. There was a time when El was almost too hip for the room, but now... well, he overheard one guest saying El was more like Norma Desmond... one with a loose grip on reality, oblivious to the fact that he is irrelevant.

Ok, El does live in a huge estate... more or less alone... except for a few trusty pals.... digging through relics of his past. But...

IRRELEVANT!!1@!!

El thinks not. El will have the last laugh.