El has been semi-deluged with a comment guru... El is still thinking it might be Little Debbie on a bender. You can't open a bottle of ripple by that gal...
Still, El is kind of amused.
The Sounds Of Silence
9 years ago
Apr 16, 2010
Apr 11, 2010
El Gets Mail: How the Mighty Have Fallen
Yes, El gets mail... all sorts of mail. Most of the time El is flattered. Most of the time... and then there are the times when El gets mail like this:
Dear Mr. Snacktator,
My daughter, Lucy, is having her 7th birthday next month. Can I rent you for the party? Do you make balloon animals? Can we eat you after you're finished entertaining the kids? Will it really be you or just a stand-in? I'm not sure I understand how there can be so many Els. I'm thinking it must be something similar to Santa and his elves. I sure do love you though and always have.
Please let us know about the party. If you can't do it, we'll have to see if we can rent a clown. My daughter's first choice was Little Debbie, but apparently she's someone now... has her own jet and all. Debbie doesn't do parties anymore, but suggested that you might.
We still love you though. Really.
Sincerely,
Janice McQueen
After El regained consciousness, he reminded himself to write Little Debbie a thank you... and then he spent the rest of the day in a funk, wondering how the mighty have indeed fallen. How is it that one day you're the king of the world, deciding between an invite from Picasso and Hemingway, and the next, you've got Janice McQueen asking you if you'll do kids' parties and if all of those cupcakes are really you. El doesn't even know how to answer that one. El wants to say...
Dear Janice,
Get help... and perhaps an education.
xoxo
El Snacktator
But El won't. El still has manners, and El is appreciative of any mail... of anyone who remembers... because on some days when he's roaming around his huge estate, talking to nothing more than his loyal moose and perhaps the condiment containers, El wonders if it might not be time to do the kiddie circuit...
El bets William Shatner has never gone through this... not even between gigs... when he barely had the money for a new toupee...
Dear Mr. Snacktator,
My daughter, Lucy, is having her 7th birthday next month. Can I rent you for the party? Do you make balloon animals? Can we eat you after you're finished entertaining the kids? Will it really be you or just a stand-in? I'm not sure I understand how there can be so many Els. I'm thinking it must be something similar to Santa and his elves. I sure do love you though and always have.
Please let us know about the party. If you can't do it, we'll have to see if we can rent a clown. My daughter's first choice was Little Debbie, but apparently she's someone now... has her own jet and all. Debbie doesn't do parties anymore, but suggested that you might.
We still love you though. Really.
Sincerely,
Janice McQueen
After El regained consciousness, he reminded himself to write Little Debbie a thank you... and then he spent the rest of the day in a funk, wondering how the mighty have indeed fallen. How is it that one day you're the king of the world, deciding between an invite from Picasso and Hemingway, and the next, you've got Janice McQueen asking you if you'll do kids' parties and if all of those cupcakes are really you. El doesn't even know how to answer that one. El wants to say...
Dear Janice,
Get help... and perhaps an education.
xoxo
El Snacktator
But El won't. El still has manners, and El is appreciative of any mail... of anyone who remembers... because on some days when he's roaming around his huge estate, talking to nothing more than his loyal moose and perhaps the condiment containers, El wonders if it might not be time to do the kiddie circuit...
El bets William Shatner has never gone through this... not even between gigs... when he barely had the money for a new toupee...
Apr 5, 2010
El's in a Pickle
What does the world's most powerful cupcake do when the world doesn't realize he is in charge?
Mar 25, 2010
El will be there to pick up the pieces...
El read a snippet in the news yesterday that suggested The Shatner's new show was going to be a bust. El just wants The Shatner to know that he will be here... ready to work... ready to form a duet that will boldly go where no duet has gone before.
El would also like to say that Anderson Cooper has released him from the sticky bonds of Facebook purgatory. Was he released into the warm embrace of Anderson's friendship?
No.
He was not.
El, knowing that Anderson must surely have made a mistake, jumped right back into purgatory! El's no fool!
El would also like to say that Anderson Cooper has released him from the sticky bonds of Facebook purgatory. Was he released into the warm embrace of Anderson's friendship?
No.
He was not.
El, knowing that Anderson must surely have made a mistake, jumped right back into purgatory! El's no fool!
Mar 22, 2010
International William Shatner Talks to El Snacktator Year
It's really The Shat's b-day and... "International Talk Like William Shatner Day"!! El would like an "International El Talks to William Shatner YEAR!" Or... "International William Shatner Talks to El Snacktator Year!"
Well, El can't talk like William Shatner, but he can look like him!
El loves you Shat!! We will work together some day!
Mar 20, 2010
El Snacktator 20th Century Muse: Pablo Picasso
El has been sorting through the vaults again and ran past this... one of the many portraits Pablo Picasso did of El. El loved Pablo. Pablo loved El. They just seemed to understand each other... each smaller yet more powerful than the average soul. Each playful, yet serious... Each king of the world in their own way. El misses Pablo...
While El has always loved being the center of Pablo's attention, El was often tempted to point out to him that most portraits really looked like Pablo. Oh hell, Pablo couldn't even paint a bull without making it look like Pablo! The man was a genius, but he had blinders on... blinders with a mirror attached to the front!
Oh well, Pablo could have given El 3 breasts...
And why did Picasso seek out El for portrait after portrait? Again... it was that damn squiggle. No one can resist the squiggle... especially Pablo... the man who said, "It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child."
No child can resist the squiggle.
Mar 16, 2010
Good Morning El
El is thinking he needs his own talk show. El is even willing to have guests who talk about themselves and not just El, although El will understand if the guest is wanting to talk about him.
El is thinking cozy, intimate conversation. El is thinking early morning, still in jammies. El is thinking Oprah is leaving anyhow. Who wouldn't want to spend their morning listening to the world's most powerful cupcake? Who wouldn't want to spend their morning looking at the world's most powerful cupcake??
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