dELan Brodytator

OK, El lied. El has not called it quits, he was just depressed. Certain despots have been giving all despots a bad name these days and El felt it was tarnishing his reputation.

Also, a few weeks ago, El was up for The Huffington Post's "7 Sites You Should Be Wasting Your Time On Right Now!" El was snubbed for cats and babies. Pffft. There was a day when people couldn't get enough of El, but El was suspecting that his time was past... he was becoming nothing more than a baked version of Norma Desmond.

El then realized his real and true Facebook friend, Dylan Brody, wrote for The Huffington Post. Hmm, Dylan is no despot, but rather, a regular (some would protest this) guy. What would life be like if El lived as a regular man, yet one who still receives the adulation of the masses?? El was intrigued. Not to mention the fact that Dylan has hair... El's always wanted hair, but hair and baked goods usually don't mix... but still... what would life be like?

El decided to go undercover as Dylan... an award winning playwright, humorist and thrice published author and a regular contributor to The Huffington Post. In recent years, he has emerged as a radio raconteur, whose witty and profound tales of his journey through life are unique, yet utterly recognizable to everyone, earning him a reputation as one of America’s fastest rising storytellers.

Well! Smell him! Never mind that El is the one and only snack cake dictator... But El digresses... Dylan it would be.

Although it was intriguing to have hair and eyebrows, El's not sure people bought it. El thinks he looks a bit more like Raymond Burr... and everyone knows Raymond Burr and his career are both dead. Still, it was fun being out there... taking environmental publicity shots that highlighted that hair... oh that hair...

One other thing about the hair though... El realized it's frickin' hot. Perhaps that's why he kept sweating... and El means nonstop brow and upper lip sweat. Dear. Lord. Or perhaps it was because El was performing on stage. Those lights are hot. Or perhaps that was just El doing Dylan a little too well.

Anyhow, El's got his mojo back... and his smooth pate.

Fini??

El is thinking perhaps the days of despots are over... even benevolent ones who merely wanted to support the arts... or support their own egos... or both...

RevELing

El's been a bit off center lately. El's not been in touch with his inner-compass, which normally always point to El, but El's feeling it again and El is reveling in his wonderfulness. How many other snack cakes have risen to such heights? How many snack cakes have rubbed shoulders (OK, El's rubbed his shoulder on their ankles) with those who define centuries?

El may not be President. El may not be Gwyneth, but dammit, El is still El... ruler of the world, whether people know it or not.

El still kicks ass.

Not to mention... El still looks better in a red singlet than Sean Connery...

Hey! How the El are ya??

So, El's scanning a news site and what does he see? This:

Sally Field Cast in Lincoln

Taylor Lautner Debuts Abduction Trailer

American Idol Gets 'Heavy Metal'

Catherine Zeta-Jones Bipolar Disorder

Gwyneth Paltrow Hosts Dinner Party

Demi Lovato Reveals Intervention

Kim Kardashian's Wedding Dreams

Justin Bieber Breaks from Twitter

Selena Gomez Hollywood Top 30

Miley Cyrus and Joan Jett on Oprah

Apparently it's a list of current news, because you know, Gwyneth hosting a dinner party is BIG NEWS! El also notices a complete and utter lack of any news about El. Apparently no one is curious about what El is doing. No one asks El how he is. El is perplexed. El is tired of people thinking he's living the life of whatever character it is that they have on the front of the Hostess Cupcake box. You play one part and you're typecast for life.

Justin Bieber breaks from Twitter.... yeah, right. El broke from Twitter about 22 hours after he signed up, but was there a news blurb about that?? Heck no.

El has mingled with the best and the brightest. El has gone where no cupcake has gone before. El is the first snack cake dictator... but apparently that is not newsworthy... but Gwyneth?? Gwyneth merely has to feed people some food and she makes the news.

El is food, people!! And so much more...

Some Dawn will take care of that Palin Sheen...

El's been informed that he's got possible competition in next years Presidential race.

To that, El says, "HA!!"

And while El believes in living and let live... El doesn't think Charlie would live that one down. There's crazy and then there's crazy.

Putting Out the Feelers

El has been busy launching a Presidential Exploratory Committee, seeing if perchance he might be what this country is needing in 2012.

So far people have asked why El would run for President when he's already Ruler of the World. Good question, but really, dictators like to amass titles and medals and hats. El hears he can get a Nobel Peace Prize in the deal as well.

The fact that El is a cupcake has also been brought up. Does it say anywhere in the Constitution that the President must be human? El thinks history shows otherwise.

Questions have also arisen around El's possible choice of running mate... Das Shat. He's Canadian. Pffft! Canada is even closer to the DC than Alaska! Enough said.

As for eventually entering the race and actually winning? El says, "Piece of cake!"

El has been taking random suggestions for possible slogans. Feel free to add in the comments. Possible slogans so far?

Speak softly and carry a big squiggle.

Let them eat cake.

You can have your cake and elect it too.

What's not to like about cake!?

No chocolate shortages!

*The PR firm of RSFish was kind enough to knock out the above poster for El. El thinks it has a certain je ne sais quoi.

El has been deposed...

... by his own morose thoughts, what with dictators getting a bad name these days, and El can understand. El can understand that not all dictators are benevolent... not all are... El...

But still, it's been a rough week or three. Combine that with the fact that El's deal with Das Shat fell through again. Let's just say it's been a rough week to be a dictator.

Update: El is so out of it, he can't even spell deposed... it's been corrected... although "desposed" seems to work with despot...