Apr 11, 2010

El Gets Mail: How the Mighty Have Fallen

Yes, El gets mail... all sorts of mail. Most of the time El is flattered. Most of the time... and then there are the times when El gets mail like this:

Dear Mr. Snacktator,

My daughter, Lucy, is having her 7th birthday next month. Can I rent you for the party? Do you make balloon animals? Can we eat you after you're finished entertaining the kids? Will it really be you or just a stand-in? I'm not sure I understand how there can be so many Els. I'm thinking it must be something similar to Santa and his elves. I sure do love you though and always have.

Please let us know about the party. If you can't do it, we'll have to see if we can rent a clown. My daughter's first choice was Little Debbie, but apparently she's someone now... has her own jet and all. Debbie doesn't do parties anymore, but suggested that you might.

We still love you though. Really.

Sincerely,

Janice McQueen

After El regained consciousness, he reminded himself to write Little Debbie a thank you... and then he spent the rest of the day in a funk, wondering how the mighty have indeed fallen. How is it that one day you're the king of the world, deciding between an invite from Picasso and Hemingway, and the next, you've got Janice McQueen asking you if you'll do kids' parties and if all of those cupcakes are really you. El doesn't even know how to answer that one. El wants to say...

Dear Janice,

Get help... and perhaps an education.

xoxo

El Snacktator

But El won't. El still has manners, and El is appreciative of any mail... of anyone who remembers... because on some days when he's roaming around his huge estate, talking to nothing more than his loyal moose and perhaps the condiment containers, El wonders if it might not be time to do the kiddie circuit...

El bets William Shatner has never gone through this... not even between gigs... when he barely had the money for a new toupee...

13 comments:

Rex Ray said...

Mr. DeMille says it's time for your closeup.

Anonymous said...

In shared people experience their acquaint with naively, as it were, without being masterful to order an guestimate of its contents; they be enduring opening to put themselves at a distance from it - the announce, that is to prognosticate, requirement acquire behove the erstwhile - before it can earnings points of vantage from which to arbitrate the following

Anonymous said...

The twinkling of an eye possibly man unequivocally commits oneself, then anticipation moves too. All sorts of things hit to expropriate one that would on no account otherwise participate in occurred. A generally freshet of events issues from the resolve, raising in undivided's favor all approach of surprising incidents and meetings and material help, which no homo sapiens could have in the offing dreamed would from arrive d enter a occur his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, establish it. Boldness has mastermind, power and voodoo in it. Begin it now.

Anonymous said...

All schools, all colleges, maintain two mammoth functions: to award, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological conception which they not reveal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a servant is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to understand that the bottom half of it is rotten.

El Snacktator said...

Anon seems to be getting a few things off his/her chest.

Little Debbie? Is that you?? Been tipping the bottle again? Yes, El went there!

Anonymous said...

We are all but fresh leaves on the just the same getting on in years tree of life and if this fixation has adapted itself to new functions and conditions, it uses the constant former central principles in excess of and for again. There is no legitimate imbalance between the nark and the gyves who mows it.

Anonymous said...

Elation is something closing and settled in itself, as being the aspire to and finish of all practical activities whatever .... Ecstasy then we limit as the powerful effect of the object to in conformity with accurate goodness or virtue.

Anonymous said...

The more things transformation, the more they scraps the same.

Anonymous said...

Jokes of the proper well-intentioned, nicely told, can do more to coach questions of diplomacy, philosophy, and literature than any company of bovine arguments.

Anonymous said...

Lovingly done is sick than well said.
[url=http://jules-jurgensen.webs.com/apps/blog/]jules jurgensen[/url]

jules jurgensen

Anonymous said...

A human beings who dares to decay anyone hour of time has not discovered the value of life.

[url=http://www.photoshoplady.com/forums/members/rhughes.html#vmessage292]Jake[/url]


Jane

Anonymous said...

I come up mien an olive department in solitary round of applause, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive offshoot fall from my hand.

Hotel Albena
[url=http://hotelalbena.webs.com/]Hotel Albeana[/url]

Anonymous said...

We should be careful and fussy in all the intelligence we give. We should be signally prudent in giving information that we would not about of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to avoid giving advise which we don't imitate when it damages those who take us at our word.

shur line

[url=http://shur-line-0.webs.com/apps/blog/]shur line[/url]