Hey! How the El are ya??

So, El's scanning a news site and what does he see? This:

Sally Field Cast in Lincoln

Taylor Lautner Debuts Abduction Trailer

American Idol Gets 'Heavy Metal'

Catherine Zeta-Jones Bipolar Disorder

Gwyneth Paltrow Hosts Dinner Party

Demi Lovato Reveals Intervention

Kim Kardashian's Wedding Dreams

Justin Bieber Breaks from Twitter

Selena Gomez Hollywood Top 30

Miley Cyrus and Joan Jett on Oprah

Apparently it's a list of current news, because you know, Gwyneth hosting a dinner party is BIG NEWS! El also notices a complete and utter lack of any news about El. Apparently no one is curious about what El is doing. No one asks El how he is. El is perplexed. El is tired of people thinking he's living the life of whatever character it is that they have on the front of the Hostess Cupcake box. You play one part and you're typecast for life.

Justin Bieber breaks from Twitter.... yeah, right. El broke from Twitter about 22 hours after he signed up, but was there a news blurb about that?? Heck no.

El has mingled with the best and the brightest. El has gone where no cupcake has gone before. El is the first snack cake dictator... but apparently that is not newsworthy... but Gwyneth?? Gwyneth merely has to feed people some food and she makes the news.

El is food, people!! And so much more...

Some Dawn will take care of that Palin Sheen...

El's been informed that he's got possible competition in next years Presidential race.

To that, El says, "HA!!"

And while El believes in living and let live... El doesn't think Charlie would live that one down. There's crazy and then there's crazy.

Putting Out the Feelers

El has been busy launching a Presidential Exploratory Committee, seeing if perchance he might be what this country is needing in 2012.

So far people have asked why El would run for President when he's already Ruler of the World. Good question, but really, dictators like to amass titles and medals and hats. El hears he can get a Nobel Peace Prize in the deal as well.

The fact that El is a cupcake has also been brought up. Does it say anywhere in the Constitution that the President must be human? El thinks history shows otherwise.

Questions have also arisen around El's possible choice of running mate... Das Shat. He's Canadian. Pffft! Canada is even closer to the DC than Alaska! Enough said.

As for eventually entering the race and actually winning? El says, "Piece of cake!"

El has been taking random suggestions for possible slogans. Feel free to add in the comments. Possible slogans so far?

Speak softly and carry a big squiggle.

Let them eat cake.

You can have your cake and elect it too.

What's not to like about cake!?

No chocolate shortages!

*The PR firm of RSFish was kind enough to knock out the above poster for El. El thinks it has a certain je ne sais quoi.

El has been deposed...

... by his own morose thoughts, what with dictators getting a bad name these days, and El can understand. El can understand that not all dictators are benevolent... not all are... El...

But still, it's been a rough week or three. Combine that with the fact that El's deal with Das Shat fell through again. Let's just say it's been a rough week to be a dictator.

Update: El is so out of it, he can't even spell deposed... it's been corrected... although "desposed" seems to work with despot...

El is going into seclusion for Teh Shat's b-day...

El has donned his Captain Kirk ensemble in honor of the upcoming anniversary of the birth of dramatic greatness... Mr. William Shatner... aka "Teh Shat!", but El cannot celebrate, as Teh Shat has not returned his calls about doing perhaps... a duet, or a two man, er... one man, one cupcake show.

Still, El loves Der Shat. Perhaps El should have dressed up as a Tribble...

Shatner, can you hear me?
Shatner, can you see me?
Shatner can you find me in the night?
Shatner are you near me?
Shatner, can you hear me?
Shatner, can you help me not be frightened?
Looking at the skies I seem to see
A million eyes which ones are yours... in this galaxy?
Where are you now that yesterday
Has waved goodbye
And closed its doors?
Space is so much darker;
The wind is so much colder;
The world I see is so much bigger
Now that I'm alone.... doing a one cupcake show!

Note to self: Just because Der Shat wears a nasty-ass toupee is no reason El must... even when showing reverence to him.

Mardi Gras: Let the Wild Rumpus Start!

For tomorrow, we fast... or some do. Not El. El can't give up anything other than mediocrity. That's it. El will give up mediocrity. Shouldn't be too hard to do...

El would also like to note that he will not be giving up Teh Shat... as this is his b-day month. El is thinking of sending himself to Teh Shatner... with a tasteful bow, of course. We will work together... he just doesn't know it yet.

S'mores Anyone??

So, apparently Charlie Sheen has fire breathing fists. Apparently Charlie Sheen is the new Chuck Norris. Pffft. El still rules the world... they just live here.