Jun 5, 2011

El Gets Mail

Yes, El still receives many, many letters/e-mails a day... some requesting advice, some requesting marriage, some just extolling El's virtues. El likes those the best, but hey, attention is attention, so El is appreciative of all.

El's most recent e-mail requested more info about... El! Ms. Laura H. of Bemidji, MN (El had never heard of Bemidji before, but was happy to read that it is a historically charming, progressive and beautiful north woods city to visit.) Although El has shared plenty of his past, not to mention that El's beginnings are very much a part of the public record, Ms. H wanted to know any little idiosyncrasies that might not be common knowledge. El is more than happy to oblige. Ms. H?? Are you paying attention??

Fun Facts about El!

1) All El facts are fun.
2) El can do almost anything with gloves on... and his hands raised in the air.
3) El sleeps on his back. Really, this is a no-brainer.
4) El's squiggles are removable and varied (see last paragraph here)... El changes it as he changes his mind.
5) El firmly believes in live and let live. El has noticed during his many decades on the planet that most people get their undies in a knot and tell others what to do, while demanding that others not tell them what to do. Really??
6) El is afraid of the word "kerfuffle". Let's just leave it at that.
7) Every single cupcake with any variety of squiggle is merely an homage to the one and only true El. When they made El Snacktator, they broke the mold... because they knew people wouldn't want to eat cupcakes that talk... OK, OK, El was a reject. El was a baking plan gone awry. At least that's what they'll tell you. But that's a post for another time...
8) El is a better Rorschach test than the Rorschach test. They have even had Rorschach tests read El's posts to see what the Rorschach test was thinking.
9) El dances daily.
10) El loves dogs... probably because dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate.
11) El is not very tall. El knows this surprises some.
12) El had first shot at Marlon Brando's role in A Streetcar Named Desire, but El was too charismatic. They felt they had to go with someone with less je ne sais quoi... El understood.
13) El was the only cameo cut out of The Aristocrats... again, it was that superb timing and out of control charisma... Oh well, El always thought it would have been funnier had it been "A cupcake walks into an agent's office..."
14) El has a stalker... El won't name any names... DYLAN BRODY! El takes solace in the fact that he has an eloquent stalker... a humorous stalker... a man who brings a certain intellectual prestige to stalking...
15) El's favorite word? Moose. He loves the way his lips gently pucker, and his nostrils gently flair while saying it. Mmmmoose. Say it with El! Mmmmmoose! See?? It's good... and given that Laura H. lives in Northern Minnesota, El is guessing she can relate.

El hopes that satisfied your curiosity Laura! El is eternally complex and eternally changing... so don't be surprised if you come back next week and find all of his answers have changed... It's El's world. He's allowed to do that.


Henning Pfeifer said...

It#s rather unusual that Dictators are tall, the stereotypical one is small. Sublimation of a minority complex?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I think most dictators are short, HP. Overcompensation or some such.

I think Bemidji is near Circle Pines.

CatG said...

We mere mortals are so humbly fortunate to be on the same planet as El. Now I will do a little dance, make a little love and get down tonight.

El Snacktator said...

El has found Henning to be a font of information. El would hire him as an assistant, but prefers his artsy-angsty music.

ZRM- Then my the powers that be... wait! That's El! Well then, may El help Bemidji!!!

CatG- You have El's approval. If only all would be on board with the El Plan.

Dylan said...

I think of myself less as a stalker than as a fascinated onlooker. With a long lens and a good hiding place.

El Snacktator said...

Back at ya...

El Snacktator said...

With a long lens

Also... no offense, but while it may be long, you're no Anthony Weiner.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I would think that you are sent "El-mail".

Kathleen said...

that is a lot of facts.

El Snacktator said...

LOL @ thundra... Also, El spent 20 seconds looking for the damn "like" button, and also looking for the warning to see if his tweet was too long.

fish said...

looking for the warning to see if his tweet was too long.

I believe this was the problem with Weiner's "tweet."