Don't Mess with El's #1 Stalker

El was elated when he recently discovered that season 2 of The Green Room with Paul Provenza was going to be starting soon. El really enjoyed the first season.


But then El looked closely at those who would be on this season... all in all, a great selection. Still, someone seemed to be missing. Who could it be? Could it be El's #1 stalker??

Dylan Brody??

Where is Dylan?!? El knows he was in the audience during season 1. Dylan also shouted out a joke... El assumed Dylan would soon be moving to the roundtable, but apparently not. Good word has it that Dylan will be in the audience again... shouting out jokes. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Now is that good enough for El's #1 stalker? Hell no.

El has not yet decided the best recourse, but he will.

In the meantime, El will share a little Dylan... it's Dylan speaking at Vicki Abelson's "Women Who Write". El chose that clip merely because he loves Vicki... one of his first FB friends. Vicki rocks.

El for One and One for El

El received notice that his #1 fan, Dylan Brody, was again tweeting about him. El is not surprised. If El were not El, he'd be tweeting about him. Wait, El tweets about El even though El is El. Let's just end with it would be understandable if everyone were tweeting about El... what's not understandable is why they are not...

Another point that is not quite understandable is this "human alter-ego" thing. This confuses El. Human? Alter-ego? El can understand humans desiring to be him. It is El's world after all. But to suggest that El is not who he purports to be?? Well... perhaps Mr.. Brody is projecting!!!

Someone who apparently has all of the facts together would be this puffsnmuffs character... also found on teh Twitterwebs... El keeps reading it as "Puff N' Stuff"... but none the less, this puffing character is obviously well aware of El's influence and reach. El does tend to beam a ray of loveliness into the lives of those he deems to touch.
El would also like to point out that Shatner had a chance to bask in this glow, but ignored it... How's that working for you now, Bill?? Hmmm???

"On May 15, 2011, CBS announced that it had canceled $#*! My Dad Says."

Father's Day... As interpreted by a cupcake...

People often ask El is he's a father... since you know... donuts have donut holes. El's not sure he follows the logic...

But, back to the question... is El a father? HELLZ YEAH!

He's the father of ALL cupcakes! Pffft.

There are days when El could see Charlton Heston playing him in his biopic... El Charlton... handing down cupcake rules on slabs of baked goodness... for all to follow... El Charlton, telling everyone who comes near to get their damn filthy paws off his creamy goodness.

Unfortunately, Charlton is passe... but El is not.

Viva el pastelillo!!!

And Happy Father's Day to everyone, whether a father or not.

Callista Attacks!!!

El kept thinking that Mrs. Gingrich reminded him of someone... and then it dawned on him. El apologizes to Lisa Marie...

Revealing Pix of El Snacktator's Package!!!

Oh dear! El is not sure how, but a lewd and lascivious photo of El's package has gotten out and is being shared across the interwebs!



Yes, El has tweeted his package... El refuses to resign. El still rules the world. Get used to it.

For those wondering about El's real package... he refers you to Exhibit A:

El Gets Mail

Yes, El still receives many, many letters/e-mails a day... some requesting advice, some requesting marriage, some just extolling El's virtues. El likes those the best, but hey, attention is attention, so El is appreciative of all.

El's most recent e-mail requested more info about... El! Ms. Laura H. of Bemidji, MN (El had never heard of Bemidji before, but was happy to read that it is a historically charming, progressive and beautiful north woods city to visit.) Although El has shared plenty of his past, not to mention that El's beginnings are very much a part of the public record, Ms. H wanted to know any little idiosyncrasies that might not be common knowledge. El is more than happy to oblige. Ms. H?? Are you paying attention??

Fun Facts about El!

1) All El facts are fun.
2) El can do almost anything with gloves on... and his hands raised in the air.
3) El sleeps on his back. Really, this is a no-brainer.
4) El's squiggles are removable and varied (see last paragraph here)... El changes it as he changes his mind.
5) El firmly believes in live and let live. El has noticed during his many decades on the planet that most people get their undies in a knot and tell others what to do, while demanding that others not tell them what to do. Really??
6) El is afraid of the word "kerfuffle". Let's just leave it at that.
7) Every single cupcake with any variety of squiggle is merely an homage to the one and only true El. When they made El Snacktator, they broke the mold... because they knew people wouldn't want to eat cupcakes that talk... OK, OK, El was a reject. El was a baking plan gone awry. At least that's what they'll tell you. But that's a post for another time...
8) El is a better Rorschach test than the Rorschach test. They have even had Rorschach tests read El's posts to see what the Rorschach test was thinking.
9) El dances daily.
10) El loves dogs... probably because dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate.
11) El is not very tall. El knows this surprises some.
12) El had first shot at Marlon Brando's role in A Streetcar Named Desire, but El was too charismatic. They felt they had to go with someone with less je ne sais quoi... El understood.
13) El was the only cameo cut out of The Aristocrats... again, it was that superb timing and out of control charisma... Oh well, El always thought it would have been funnier had it been "A cupcake walks into an agent's office..."
14) El has a stalker... El won't name any names... DYLAN BRODY! El takes solace in the fact that he has an eloquent stalker... a humorous stalker... a man who brings a certain intellectual prestige to stalking...
15) El's favorite word? Moose. He loves the way his lips gently pucker, and his nostrils gently flair while saying it. Mmmmoose. Say it with El! Mmmmmoose! See?? It's good... and given that Laura H. lives in Northern Minnesota, El is guessing she can relate.

El hopes that satisfied your curiosity Laura! El is eternally complex and eternally changing... so don't be surprised if you come back next week and find all of his answers have changed... It's El's world. He's allowed to do that.

The Evil Eyebrow

El's sleep was plagued with nightmares of being chased by vicious, flapping eyebrows. El found himself running through the streets, much like Tippi Hedren in The Birds, while predatory eyebrows came swooping down. However, unlike Tippi, El had no phone booth in which to hide.

El is thinking his dreams may have spawned from this... or perhaps his nightmares were merely influenced by the preponderance of crap that is spewing from his neighbor's cottonwood tree (note to sELf... buy a larger estate). Icing and cottonwood fluff do not mix. El will remain indoors until the horror is over.

Few people can deny the glow that a nod from El imbues... Updated!

... well, except maybe Das Shat... Das Shat who never, ever acknowledged the wonder that is El. Come to think of it... neither did Connery! He was probably just jealous because El rocked the Zardoz singlet better than he ever did!

But who has acknowledged the power that is El?? That feeling of "bafflement and wonder" that only a nod from El can bring??

Yes, you know it... El's new BFF*... Dylan.

I give you exhibit A:


El understands. And... apparently Dylan knows upon which side his bread is buttered... or cupcake is frosted... although El's not really frosted because El's not angry... or El is frosted... just iced, you know? But not on ice. Oh never mind.

El has been spurned for so long that a little wind up his trench coat goes a long way.

Update:

Here's an actual video of El acting as Dylan. El thinks he did a pretty good job. Special note to ZRM... you'll appreciate the nod to correct grammar.






* until El, who often suffers from ADD or MSG, moves on...